Bereaved mum shares 'what not to say' in new book

Bereaved mum shares 'what not to say' in new book 
BBC News; by Roger Johnson and Jonny Humphries; 9/24/24 
A bereaved mother has written a book exploring the sensitive topic of how to speak to a parent struck by the loss of a child. Singer and entertainer Kiki Deville, from Earby, said she felt as if she would "never experience joy again" after losing her four-week-old son Dexter in 2007. Dexter died from the rare genetic condition Zellweger Syndrome and spent his last days in Chorley children's hospice Derian House, of which Ms. Deville is now a patron.  Her work there, including countless conversations with other parents, informed her book 'What Not To Say: A Practical Guide to Supporting Bereaved Parents'. Ms. Deville said 17 years after the loss of Dexter, she still remembers the first time someone made the well-meaning but painful comment: "At least he was just a baby." "Now that infers were he older, his death would have mattered more," she told the BBC.  From speaking to other mothers, Ms. Deville also gave examples such as "at least you have other children" and "they're in a better place" as things not to say. She said: "It's really important to recognise that nobody says anything out of malice, I don't think anybody sets out to hurt."
Editor's note, calling all non-clinical hospice and palliative care leaders: Your interactions with bereaved parents speak volumes. Do you convey cheap platitudes or wise empathy? Incorporate these human vulnerabilities into your leadership skills. Open yourself to the pain of experiencing the pain and joys of your organization's palliative/hospice pediatric families. Invest a day of shadowing with a pediatric interdisciplinary team member. Be willing to go there. Be willing to be there: physically, mentally,  emotionally, and spiritually (without imposing your own onto others).