My mother and brother have terminal cancer. I'm worried I won't feel anything when they die.

My mother and brother have terminal cancer. I'm worried I won't feel anything when they die. 
Business Insider; essay by Kimanzi Constable; 3/1/25 
... My brother was diagnosed with Cutaneous T-cell lymphoma (CTCL) three years ago, and my mother found out she had stage four lung cancer a year ago. I got a call earlier this year that the cancer was spreading, and I flew to spend time with them. I knew it would be hard seeing them battling late-stage cancer, but what I walked into was my brother in the Advanced Cancer Care Center, unable to move, and my mother wanting to hold an "end of life" planning meeting. It was worse than I anticipated. It was hard to see him not moving and the nurses having to help him do everything. My mother looked like she weighed 50 pounds ... I'm worried I won't feel anything when they pass away. ... I think it might be just another day when they pass away. I've been thinking — what does that say about me? Am I a bad person for not falling on the ground and losing it for over half of my family dying? Or is this nothingness an OK feeling due to the complicated relationship we've had most of my life? ... 
Editor's note: Leaders, welcome to the daily world of your clinicians, especially your social workers, chaplains, and grief counselors. Read this with openness to the normalcy of this author's conflicted relationships, emotions, thoughts, and empowered actions toward "not wanting to regret how I handled this opportunity to say goodbye more healthily."